kathryn's story

i'm always touched when brides, new parents, and families invite me into their lives to capture the emotions of a marriage ceremony, a birth, or even day-to-day events.  but the time i spent with the kelley family yesterday was like none other.  i feel wholly unworthy to compose any words beautiful enough for kathryn's story, so please join me as her mother, mary michael, shares from her journal:

Thursday, April 14 - There's a certain significance in dates.  
When I was younger, I thought how awful it must have been for my mom when her dad, my granddaddy, died on her birthday.  
We got some bad news yesterday about baby Kathryn. Turns out she has non-immune fetal hydrops. There is fluid on her lungs and heart and swelling.  I can't begin to describe to you the agony in learning this late, at 32 weeks, that there is something wrong.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

So please pray for us as we deal with this in our own private way.  Today we will celebrate our 4th anniversary, a date and a symbol of our commitment to "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do we part."



Tuesday, May 3 - I've officially read all I can about non immune hydrops and polyhydramnios.  I think I'm cried out for the time being. Praying the next tears I have are tears of joy.



Wednesday, May 11 - We are officially hospital residents. At my appointment with the doctor this afternoon, we were totally prepared with all these questions as well as my final "I can't take this anymore" plea.  Turns out it wasn't needed. He walked in, looked at me, and told me it was time.  It's a relief, even though I already miss my Thomas terribly.



 
Friday, May 13 - Our beautiful daughter, Kathryn Lyn Kelley, was born at 2:52pm weighing 9 lbs 4 oz.  She came out, took a teeny cry, a couple of breaths, and is doing better than expected!  She is now intubated and they've drained her chest.  We are so blessed and grateful and are waiting for the next steps.



Tuesday, May 17 - Just stepped outside for the first time in six days.  A few hours away from the hospital to be with Thomas will do my heart good.


 
Saturday, May 21 - Kathryn opened her eyes tonight.  I hadn't seen her do that since last weekend, and it was a magical moment.

Last weekend, she sort of semi-opened her right eye.  Tonight, she fully opened her right eye, just for me and her daddy.

I broke down in tears.

The thing about all of this is that it's just really, really hard.  It helps me to write it out some, and I sort of wish that my writing could write the end of the story.

 
Tuesday, May 24 - Rough afternoon over here.  If you wake during the night, think on and pray for our girl.  



 
Wednesday, May 25 - Dear friends: our daughter Kathryn's journey on earth ended last night around 1AM and her journey with our God above began at twelve days old.  BT and I held our daughter for the first and last time and she took her last breaths in our arms.  Our hearts are utterly and completely broken as we are now members of a club that every parent on earth dreads joining.   The tears continue to come, off and on.  They come more often than not right now, and we both know that in time that will get better, even though it will never go away.



She sure was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and like I said earlier, I got to lock eyes with her.  That is a memory in my head that can never be stolen by death.

 
God says all of our days are numbered, and we know now that Kathryn's days were numbered at 12.  We take comfort in the fact that we got 12 days more than many said we would ever have.  That's how strong she was.  But on the flip side, with each continued day sprung more and more hope.  That hope is hard to part with.

We have chosen to have a very private gathering with just our family and only my and BT's very closest friends.  We hope you understand that because of the unbelievable grief that accompanies this, we only want to be surrounded by those very closest to us as we say goodbye to our baby.






I want others to be a part of this through writing notes to Kathryn about how she touched your life and what she taught you.  We'll attach those messages to a balloon and have Thomas release all those balloons on Saturday morning over Birmingham.





Saturday, May 28 - "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'  'Neither this man not his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him'."  John 9:1-3